Toyologist Review: Playmobil Agents Car

£17.99 from Toys R Us

Choose Your Own Review

Reviews usually flow logically from A to B, but sometimes it's fun to shake things up a little. What if the reader controlled where the review went? What if instead of going from A to B, it went from A to H via G S D and M? Welcome to Choose Your Own Review: Playmobil Agents Car. Read it once, read it twice, read it many times to get the full review!

Hopefully I've got everything set correctly and a wonderful adventure awaits you. If not then, um, this isn't entirely expected and you'll have to try and make the best of it!

1

You are the newest recruit to the Top Agents, an organisation determined to bring down the sinister Robo Gangsters and their nefarious schemes.

In their latest sinister plot the Gangsters have been hard at work in their secret laboratories, creating an army of robots to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! It’s your mission to locate the factory and destroy the robots. If you could bring down the whole Gangster organisation too, that’d be great, though we would lack a plot were there ever to be a sequel.

Agent codename M.U.M., your superior and head of the Top Agents, has offered you a choice between two modes of transport for the mission.  Which do you choose?

7 – Playmobil agents car

18 – Panthor

Other Toyology reviews can by found in the Toys R Us Toy Box on Facebook. I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to stick this review in there! 

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You begin to fiddle with the locking mechanism at your wrist, but you quickly realise any attempt is futile. Not only that, you’ve now lost your chance to run! The robots are upon you. Soon you will be taken back to the lab for interrogation by the robots’ Gangster masters.

You can save yourself some pain and spill all the Spy Agent secrets, or attempt to endure what the Gangsters inflict and keep the precious information from them. Either way, this mission is at an end.

The End.

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It’s pant-wettingly close, but just as the baby makes a grab for you, you manage to achieve enough velocity and take to the skies. You glide away, out of the baby’s reach and turn your attention to finding the lab. You’re certain the lab must be here, and the baby its guard.

There it is!

If only you still had your missiles! You could have taken out the base from the air! But life is never so simple. You land the car and leap out, gun at the ready. And you need it, for an army of evil robots is approaching!

You take the first couple down with your gun, but then it runs dry of bullets. All you have left to defend yourself is your briefcase. How much use is that? The robots appear to be slow-moving. Maybe if you managed to get the case off your wrist you’d be able to run past them?

14 – Remove the briefcase from your wrist

28 – Run with it still attached and hope you’re fast enough.

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Are those red things on the wheel tyre-slashers? You don’t know for sure, but figure as long as you think they’re tyre slashers that might be enough for them to be slashy for long enough to shred the leaves and put you on your way to freedom!

With the Grasslands a disappointment, you put the car into gear and head for the Stonelands. Surely the Gangster lab must be there?

24 – Go to the Stonelands

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You try to drive, dropping the flap at the rear of the car to engage the turbo engines, but you’re not fast enough. This baby can move and she can pick up quite a speed when she wants to.  Big Baby has a hold of you and you’re moving closer and closer to her gnashing jaws. A future of drool awaits…

The End.

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24

The Stoney Wastelands! You drive slowly, taking in all the details. The car glides smoothly across the terrain with its rubber tyres.

You gently bring the car to a halt.  Is that it?  Is that the laboratory, hidden away back there?

It would be easier to avoid detection if you left the car behind and got a closer look on foot.  You climb out of the car, in doing so brushing past the missile-launch switch on the side of the car.  You curse whoever put the switch in such an easy to accidentally-press place!

The missiles streak forward and explode! If the Robo Gangsters are here, then they certainly know you’re coming now.

There’s a noise behind you. Then one forward. You’re surrounded! You jump back into the car. There are no missiles left to fire – your only hope is to ram your way to freedom. But forward or back?

10 – forward!

23 – back!

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You spin the car around in an attempt to flee back the way you had come. You know for certain that way as clear a moment ago so maybe the enemy aren’t too dense that way yet.

You put your foot to the floor. If you can pick up enough speed maybe you can get airborne.

Then you see it: a giant baby!

Your speed is increasing, but the baby is coming up fast. Do you have time to deploy the wings and take to the skies, or should you continue on the ground?

25 – continue on the ground

27 – attempt to take to the skies

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You begin to swing the briefcase round and round on your wrist. Faster and faster the case spins, becoming nothing more than a blurr…

Of course this is absolutely all the spinning achieves. Trying to blow away a giant pile of leaves by spinning a briefcase was really quite a stupid idea and you’re still as stuck as you were before. At least no one saw you doing it.

You climb back into the car and look for the radio to contact MUM back at base and get her to send someone to come and rescue you. The mission has ended in a humiliating failure.

The End.

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21

Another shot is fired! It’s a Robo Gangster! He moves closer to get a better aim. You desperately try to fire your gun back at him.

Once again the Gangster fires, and this time you are not so fortunate. The shot strikes you in the shoulder. The pain is almost unbearable. Why did no one ever think to inform you that being shot was so painful?

As you lie on the ground, blood spurting from your shoulder, the Gangster stands above you. His gun is pointing at your head. Your fate is completely in his hands.

The End.

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Something it’s approaching. It’s definitely not a Robo Gangster, or one of their evil robot minions.  Is it an elephant? That’d be a slightly strange thing to… Oh no!  It’s a…

GIANT BABY!

The baby is reaching for you! You need a plan! The adrenalin is kicking in, so: fight or flight!

17 – Fight!

25 – Flight!

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You arrive in the Ocean Realm. Everywhere is submerged in water! The laboratory can’t possibly be here, can it? Exploration is going to be difficult and you wish you’d brought the torpedo and diving gear instead of the car and a smart suit.

Since you’re here now, you decide you might as well have a quick search of the area anyway before moving on. But should you abandon the car to do so?

2 – Stay in the car. Who knows what this beautiful machine can do, right?

6 – Water, water, everywhere! The car’s no use here.

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18

You attempt to mount Panthor, but quickly uncover two problems. First, you’re far too small and lack the necessary leg articulation to sit on Panthor. Second, Panthor is Skeletor’s evil cat – his evil, hungry cat!

Skeletor watches, laughing manically, as Panthor eats you all up!

The End.

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17

With a gentle brush of your hand on the switches located on the sides of the car, you fire your missiles. They are sent crashing into the target.

For a moment there is only silence and then…

The baby looks down at the missiles that have hit her leg. She seems a little surprised. She picks up the missiles and pops them into her mouth, the rubbery tips sticking out from between her lips. She completely ignores you as she begins to chew on these! You are free to flee!

The missiles are too large for the baby to swallow – in fact there are very few small pieces at all on the car, just your handgun and the chain linking you to the briefcase – but Baby’s mummy doesn’t care.

You shot her daughter and she’s mighty angry about it!

You abandon your car as the giant mummy makes a grab for it, placing it and the missiles on a high shelf and muttering something about ‘confiscated’.

With your equipment lost you have no choice but to head back to headquaters to report your failure to MUM.

The End.

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16

You fly towards the metal structure. It’s huge! At the peak is some kind of fabric enclosure. There’s a window near the top, but you can’t see through to what is inside. Circling round you spot two large doorways.

Suddenly you hear gunfire! What do you do now?

9 – Go back to the tree line. The enclosure is obviously far too big to be a Robo Gangster base. Whatever the noise was, it has nothing to do with your mission.

8 – Take the left door.

21 – Take the right door.

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Deciding that the Ocean Realm is a dead end in your investigation you decide to move on.

To speed the journey to your next location you switch to flight-mode, deploying the wings from beneath and the tail fins at the rear. Doing so you dislodge the car windows – it's so annoying that they fall off so easily!

13 – Fly to the Grasslands.

24 – Fly to the Stonelands.

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You begin to swing your briefcase round and round by the chain. You always wondered what it was for – its not like it opens so you can put anything in it – and now you know: it’s your last line of defence.

If you have a problem, if no one else can help: rely on your briefcase!

You smash through the line of robots. The robots are confused– they weren’t designed to battle briefcases and lack the necessary programming to defend themselves from them – so stand on the spot, awaiting instruction from their masters.

The laboratory is ahead of you. The enemy base is completely defenceless, the Robo Gangsters having relied completely on the robots for defence.

The power core isn’t hard to find, neither is the big red button with ‘do not press’ written on it in large letters. A second later a countdown has begun, which leads to explosive results…

Meanwhile you are on your way back to headquarters, mission complete. Once there you’ll receive your next assignment. Work never ends when you’re a Top Agent!

The End.

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13

You arrive at the Grasslands, where everything is lush and green (although, being Autumn, things are slightly less leafy than usual - at least on the trees). Using the flight-mode on your car you begin an aerial sweep of the terrain.

There are two directions you can take the search: towards the trees or investigate the strange metal structure you have spotted.

9 – Head for the tree line.

16 – Investigate the metal structure.

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12

You put your foot to the floor and the car speeds away from the Land of the Giants. With its rubber tyres, smooth ride, not to mention the turbo boosters are the rear, you’re soon far away from any potential danger.

Or are you?

There’s the sound of a shot. Do you stay and investigate like the brave agent you should be, or put your foot down and really test out the turbo boosters?

13 – Head for the Grasslands

19 – Head for the Ocean Realm

21 – Stay and investigate

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Technician DAD is found sat, twiddling his thumbs, desperate for something to do. He leaps at the chance to help you and soon takes over the entire job. You look on, slightly annoyed, as he builds the car all by himself. He has no trouble at all following the instructions and within a couple of minutes it is completed.

It’s now time to head out on the search for the robot laboratory. Where will you begin the hunt?

4 – the Land of the Giants

19 – the Aquatic Realm

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10

You press the accelerator and speed forward, but now shots are raining down on you and the car. It’s only due to your extensive driving training that you’re able to dodge most of them.

Disaster! The car hits a bump in the road and rolls onto its back.  You crawl out, but another shot is fired, this one zipping close to your ear.  Using the car as cover as best you can, you peer out.  Ahead is a large army of enemy robots defending the base. There seems to be no way past them.

Another shot whizzes past your head and you duck down. That one came from behind. Checking your handgun you discover you have only one bullet remaining. Enough to take out the lone attacker behind, perhaps, but definitely not enough for all the robots before you.

Unless…

There’s always the briefcase you’ve been carrying around all this time.  Perhaps you could use that somehow? It sounds like an insane plan, but maybe…

21 – use the gun and take on the attacker behind.

14 – use the briefcase to do…something!