Review: James Bond Jr

I don't like Bond.

There, I've said it. I'm sure as soon as my fingers hit the keys a large and angry lynch mob instantly appeared outside my house, but this is where my zombie-survival plan will come into play. For indeed a crowd of angry Bond fans is a lot like an invading army of the undead. Probably.

I don't mean to insult all the billions of Bond fans out there - the link to zombies was purely coincidental - but in my experience the public at large get a bit angry when someone says they don't like James Bond very much. Maybe it's me - I suspect a large angry crowd often appears outside my house purely to try and put an end to my existence - but putting this explanation aside, it does seem that there is an unwritten law which states that Everyone Must Love Bond Films.

Is it the Britishness? It is because Bond is one of the few successful British film series (though with a huge dose of American investment)? Do people genuinely like these films with their cringe-worthy double entendres? The plots that make little sense? Q inventing gadgets which just happen to be exactly what Bond needs later on? Chase sequences that go on and on and on and on and...

I liked Goldeneye, though. I have many happy memories of Goldeneye. The N64 game, obviously. The Wii version wasn't half bad either.

I also like James Bond Jr. Apparently Bond had a nephew, who, for odd reason,s was named after him and thus got a 'Jr' suffix. Um, right... Anyway they made a cartoon about him and I really like it.

At least I think I do. It's been a hell of a long time since I watched it during the school holidays back in the early 90s and it has yet to appear on DVD anywhere so I have no idea whether it really is any good, or whether I watched it because it was the only thing on at the time. I never knew, though should have suspected, that there was a toyline to go along with it. As from last November's Memorabilia, I now own (almost) the entire line.

I saw the pile of carded toys at the show, noted the individual prices he had them labelled with, then did a quick calculation as to what I thought I'd be able to get the lot for. I was all ready to barter with the seller, but he came up with the same price too. So I simply handed over the cash.

 I really like the look of the figures, even though the sculpts aren't Amazing. They remind me slightly of the Ninja Turtles figures from back then, which was a style I really liked at the time and am kind of sad has never been seen since.

All the main characters are featured, plus a load of variants of James Bond Jr, none of which are really very exciting - buy the variants instead of the 'main' Bond version at your peril. Old Skool Bond fans will be happy to see characters like Jaws there - or not ('you butchered the characters, you evil cartoon people!') as the case may be.

The figures have basic articulation as was standard from toys at the time: joints at the shoulders, hips & neck. The action features on the toys - as most action features are - are a bit pointless, useless, annoying, and limit how you can pose & play with them. The toys would be much better without these features, though I do have an affection for the Oddjob hat-throwing action.

There were a couple of vehicles in the line, but the only one I've been able to get hold of is James' car. It's red, which in my experience is a pretty good colour choice for a child's toy. There are a number of features in it, including tyre slashers, ejector seat, pop out guns & firing missiles. Everything shoots out with far more force that would be allowed under today's toy safety standards.

Ebay isn't inundated with these things, but they do turn up and as long as the seller isn't insane you ought to be able to get them quite cheaply. It's a little surprising that Bond collectors aren't snapping these up - I suppose most are pretending the series never existed.

I continue to hope and pray that one day there may finally be a DVD release, but I think the time for such an event has now passed. Boo!